Relationship Issues - Talking to Children

Emotional Effects | Sexuality | Talking about Cancer | Talking to Children

While some cancer patients are able to talk with other adults about their disease, some find it nearly impossible to talk with their young children or grandchildren about their diagnosis.  Some guidelines offered below might help you handle this difficult task.

Should I Tell the Children in My Life about my Cancer?

The answer is usually a resounding “yes”, especially if they’re old enough to understand that things are going to change around the house.  Children are smarter than we may assume and they’ll no doubt catch on to the fact that things are different than they used to be.  You may be tired or physically sick all the time.  You may be losing your hair.  You may simply not have the energy to play with them anymore.

If they determine that you’re not behaving in the same manner you usually do, they may become frightened.  That’s where honesty plays an important role.  Tell you’re children or grandchildren that you’re sick (or ask another close relative to handle it), being as honest as possible about the disease without causing undo fear.

If you decline to tell the young ones in your life about your mesothelioma, someone else may “slip” and tell them about your disease.  They also may gather false information from those who know you’re sick but don’t know the details of your disease.

What Should I Say?

Everyone has a different way of handling this situation. Some people are quite blunt, giving all the details of their disease to those children who are old enough to understand.  Some sugarcoat things a bit or withhold particular details until it’s truly necessary to share them. 

Try to keep medical details out of the conversation and don’t burden children with the fact that the disease may affect your financial well-being and that of the family, though it may become necessary to do that at a later date.

Try to answer your children’s’ questions to the best of your ability without frightening them.  You should also respect the fact that some children simply will not want to talk about the disease, at least not immediately.  Don’t push them to talk if they prefer not to do so. 

Try practicing what you’re going to say so that you don’t simply blurt out things that may be better left unsaid.  Write down some notes if you need help keeping your thoughts straight.  This will obviously be a difficult ordeal, so don’t be afraid to ask for support from another adult.  He or she can be present during the conversation if you wish.